Tag: love

Bad day? Four tips to have a brighter day.

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn Health and Wellness, Mental HealthLeave a comment

It was early, the sun was shining ☀️, the birds were singing 🐦. But I must have gotten out of bed on the wrong side. Every little thing was irking me. My partner was complaining about his back, again. He was trying to help me with something on my phone and all I could focus on was his coffee breath. ☕ Dallas went out to pee, and he was sniffing the bush for what I thought was for-ev-er.
My partner even told me he donated $100 to a local 8-year-old rock climber, who was crushed by a boulder and lost her leg. All I got was annoyed that he didn’t use his $100 elsewhere. (Like for food for people during this Covid time? Not sure I actually had an idea in mind. Again, I was just being a grouch.)
That’s what I knew I needed an attitude adjustment. How can any human be annoyed from somebody helping an eight year old girl in need? Had I suddenly turned evil overnight? Most likely not, I just desperately needed a change in mindset. 🧠


So how do we help ourselves when we feel that the world cannot do anything right?

Be aware of your words and your actions. The good news is that you realize you are grumpy. And grumpy might be an understatement… However you have the advantage here because you can recognize this. Keep that awareness; be very careful how you treat and talk to the people around you. Try to keep in mind that they are not meaning to annoy or hurt. Unless you have been very mean to them already, I’m sure they don’t even know that you’re feeling this way. You can inform them that you need a little bit of space in order to get yourself back to a not easily activated state. Be honest, tell them that there is nothing that they can do. It is best to just let you have your space at this time.

Change your atmosphere. Okay so you can’t quite just get back into bed, close your eyes, open them and literally get out on the other side of the bed, and all will be fixed. But you can change the environment that you’re in right now. If you can be outside, and breathe some fresh air, do so. Let some sun beams melt that ice on your heart. 😎 But please wear sunscreen!

Do one activity that you know always makes you happy. You know that one scene in the movie that always makes you laugh out loud? Watch that scene. Do you have a video game that you can immerse yourself in and remove yourself from reality for a moment? Play it. Are you a workout junky that gets that endorphin kick when you do 2000 jumping jacks? Jump away! Read more about how movement matters to improve mood.

Fake it ’till you make it. A wiser fella than myself once said: start with the actions, and the feelings will follow. Start with a small grin. Voice appreciation for the small things. Soon you may find yourself truly smiling and aware of the better, brighter day you are having. 🌞

How do you usually turn your frown upside down? If you use any of these tips, let us know in the comments!

Create the Perfect Apology With These Five Tips

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn Health and Wellness, lifestyle, Mental HealthLeave a comment

‘Tis the season of forgiveness.

We all have said, and done things that we regret. We know we messed up. So how do we start the apology process? Sometimes it seems impossible.

If we break down the process into steps, and gather our emotions, it’s not.

Here are five ways to communicate that you are sorry, and have the other person feel your sincerity. 

Express your regret or remorse. Something happened, and it didn’t turn out well. How do you feel about what happened? Were your actions something regretful? Do you feel utterly empty without the other party’s presence in your life? Be honest and open about how you feel about the result of what happened.

Explain what you think went wrong (without pointed phrases). Pointed phrases are statements that shift responsibility to the other party. They invalidate the other person’s feelings. An example of a pointed phrase is “I’m sorry that you were offended” or “I’m sorry, but you…” They have every right to feel what they feel, as do you. As much as you wouldn’t want them to dismiss your feelings, don’t dismiss theirs. 

Request forgiveness and allow as much time as the other needs to process their emotions. Putting a time limit, or expressing an expected date of when the other person should forgive you, will most likely cause the other person to not want to even begin the forgiveness process. 

Before composing: Give yourself time to be in a space where you feel ready and able to apologize. Being sincere is more important than rushing an apology. Emotions of remorse best translate in a face to face interaction. in times of COVID-19, that may not be an option, but consider a video visit. Likewise, just your voice can convey sincerity over the phone. 

If you want to say sorry but feel like an in person or over the phone apology would cause more issues (ie. Interruptions, raised voices), a hand written one is better than none. No deed is too small if the relationship is worth restoring.

You are ready forgive/apologize, and move forward. How do you know the other party is ready? You won’t necessarily know. But don’t let assuming that the other party is not ready to forgive, hold you back from reaching out with an apology.

Do you feel like you need to apologize to someone? Are you going to use the tips above? Let us know, in the comments, how your apology was accepted (or denied).

I’m trying minimalism (to see how it would impact epilepsy) so you don’t have to.

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn lifestyle, Personal StoriesLeave a comment

My chronic illness causes constant fatigue. My body is battling itself from the inside, and it’s hard to deal with anything on the outside. Housework falls by the wayside; it is just too hard to make things happen. Everyday I got to see things getting piled up larger and larger, waiting for the time that I felt good enough to do something about it. And that time rarely comes.

One day I took a good long look at my house, and my life, and finally decided I needed to do something drastic to help me. What I ended up looking in to, was minimalism. At first I thought, “how ridiculous? I love the majority of my items in my home, I will never be able to part with them. I should just give up now.”

As I read, I found minimalism didn’t mean living with nothing, it meant living with less.

Research shows brain fatigue increases when it has to process more in an environment. Brain fatigue means body fatigue. Studies have found that clutter in a space raises cortisol levels. Cortisol is your stress hormone. Therefore clutter hits you with a double whammy, to your physical and mental health.

The more I thought about it, the more it started to look good for my epileptic brain. With things being simplified and reduced in my house, my brain would not need to use as much energy (because it really does not have any to spare). 

So, this is where we started.

Chalk board reminder if our Keep It Conditions.

Set some guidelines to help you out with the decision making process of what to keep, donate, or trash. Actually write these down, so that you have something visual to reference. Our guidelines are: 

  • Have I used this in the last year? Will I use it in the upcoming year?
  • Can it be replaced for less than or equal to $20? Can it be borrowed?
  • Would I purchase this item again?
  • Is this living out the purpose for which it was created? Or have I found a better use for this and it is currently doing its job?
  • Am I keeping it out of guilt?
  • if I had the opportunity, would I sell it in a yard sale?
  • Could somebody else use it or love it more?
  • Does it “spark joy”? (Inspired by the KonMari method)

My largest collection that sparks joy is my wardrobe. I love my clothing. I do not buy an item of clothing that will not create at least three complete outfits with the clothing items that I currently have. I am truly a curator. 💁🏽‍♀️

However, I do hold onto my items of clothing for decades. I’m not kidding, I have T-shirts that I wore in the 5th grade. (And yes they do still fit; I went through a very early growth spurt, and then never grew again.) 

So some items of clothing are clearly made for a younger person, and I am holding on to them purely for selfish nostalgia. That is where those questions come in. “Could someone else use or love it more?” 

Two bags of clothes ready for donation next to Al the avocado plant.

Most definitely, yes.

I feel better knowing that I’ve donated them and somebody else will wear and love them the way they should be loved.

The majority of my newer wardrobe has been left untouched, but a lot of other items have been donated, easing the stress of both me and the bar that holds my clothes!

Onion method is not called The Onion method because it’s stinky and makes you cry, it is because you focus on your house layer by layer. Start with the large items, or the items that you can easily identify that do not belong in that space.

Here are some items I found in my living room.

Left to right: Hair tie, Jack-o’-lantern necklace, mailbox key, kangaroo pencil, camera lense cover.

It is September, so that Halloween necklace has been out for almost a year. How embarrassing! 🤦🏽‍♀️ But it has a home in the Halloween decoration box in storage. The extra camera cover belongs in the camera bag, the pencil belongs in the office, the hair tie belongs in the bathroom, and the mailbox key belongs in the key bowl. And done! That’s five things already cleaned out of my living space! Small victory, but it feels pretty good.

Starting in the space where the smallest amount of work, makes the most visually impactful change, can be a great kickstarter. We donated a lot of clothes, but we don’t get to admire the closet like the clear space in the living room.

It is the room we hang out in the most as a family. Moving those 5 items made a clear open space that I can admire while the family spends time together. And this can be now more quality time because none of us are distracted by the mess that we are surrounded by.

The 15 minute rule. Limit yourself to 15 minutes at a time. Set a timer, and work consistently for that 15 minutes. If that is all you can manage for that day, it is absolutely fine, you did an amazing job.

Metallic Sandtimer – Not 15 mins.

In the beginning, that’s all I could manage. My body would get fatigued, or I just felt that I could not bring myself to do any more work. But I quickly found myself able to extend that 15 minutes. And not only physically I was able to, but I actually wanted to!

I’m not too sure if simplifying will help me as drastically as others. Regardless, I am sure that the benefits, no matter how small, would be worthwhile.

This is where we will start. I’ll give updates about this journey. I hope you are as excited as we, to find where this experiment brings us!

What is the level of clutter in your house? Do you have any tips on how to simplify that you find helpful? Let us know if you try any of the methods above, and how well it worked for you! 

Purple Day and Pandemic 2020

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It is scary living with a chronic, uncontrolled illness on a normal day. With the emergence of COVID-19 (coronavirus), it is easy to feel incapacitated.

The need to put your health care first, especially when you have loved ones that need care also, can be difficult. This conundrum has put me in a tough situation. 

The smart doctors and scientists of the world are recommending physical (previously called social) distancing, and to self-isolate if you have symptoms. I don’t have symptoms – yet. And I am not kidding myself by thinking I will not get sick from this.

They are estimating 50% of people will get COVID-19. If I look at my household, between my husband and I… I will be the one to get sick. 

However, I think the best thing I could do right now is to stay at home, isolate myself for at least the next two weeks, and wait to see how the world is then, to make a plan moving forward. Seems really safe, right? 

Not actually. 

My husband still is going to work, as he works an essential job and is at low risk of infection. Because he is my main caretaker, he is the one having to go get my medications, and the household supplies. That puts him out there.

That means he is at a higher risk of contracting the virus, period. Then he comes home to me. We have a “decontamination room” at the back of the house where he strips down and sanitizes. That can only do so much. 

Regardless, he has still been exposed and therefore is exposing me to the virus just by being in the house. Not to mention our wanting to snog transfers all viruses and cooties. 

So where do we draw the line? Where do we find the comfort of “I’m doing everything I can” and keep the practicality of “I still have to live my life.” 

Maybe just holding on to the hope that the majority of the world is also practicing social distancing and washing their hands frequently and effectively, is all that we have right now.

Please, consider sending a text, a tweet, a DM, or video call to the people in your life that you know are supporting people in the high risk group. Thank them for helping reduce the curve. And a big thanks to you, if you are that person.

It is fortunate that I have a job that I can do – fairly well – from home. But it puts a burden on my fellow staff to pick up the slack on all the physical work that I’m no longer there to do.

I am ashamed telling my boss that I have to stay home; because I’m too scared of dying of SUDEP because the strain that getting sick puts on my uncontrolled brain. I need to thank them more, for holding the front lines, and being so understanding.

I want to thank my friends, my in-laws, and my parents, for not taking it personally when I tell them I can’t physically be with them for the unforeseeable future. I appreciate and love all of them.

I hope you feel that kind of support from the people in your life. 

Who do you appreciate the most right now? What do you find most difficult in these troubling times? Share with us in the comments.