Tag: personaldevelopment

Tiles

Is the World Just 1s and 0s?

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn lifestyle, Personal Stories, RelationshipLeave a comment

Are you seeking security or adventure?

My formal education background is in STEM. I grew up in a household where there was always analysis and a solution. Naturally, when there is a problem in my life, whether it be professional, romantic, or fiscal, I approach it with logic.

Recently, I have started to watch the show Mr. Robot. If you happen to never have heard of it, it is about a young man, Elliot, with social anxiety who works in cyber security, yet is a vigilante hacker. He is very against corporate America despite working for it. He falls into an intense situation where his morals are questioned. I refuse to give any spoilers, but so far the show is phenomenal.

It’s all just 1s and 0s

At one point in the show Mr. Robot is telling Elliot that life does not have any grey areas; It is all 1s and 0s. This has been a concept I have been struggling with for some time.

Not because I disagreed, but because I agreed.

projection of binary on a woman's face
Photo by Rada Aslanova

Let me give you an example using my relationships. I’d perform an assessment, and if I detected – or if the other person vocalized – anything less than 100% commitment, a “1,” I would end the relationship immediately. There was no grey area: if it wasn’t a “1,” it was a “0,” a complete “out.” I refused to dedicate my energy to a relationship lacking that full investment. Some might interpret this as Anxious-Avoidant Attachment, though I haven’t undergone any formal assessment.

Security or Adventure?

Recently, my binary approach has been thrown into question. Security and adventure are not mutually exclusive. As my partner says, it’s about balance.

I am seeking security and adventure. It is possible to have a reliable relationship with emotional stability with somebody who you can share wonderful adventures. I know it exists.

The ideal blend of the two will likely change as life progresses, and priorities change. But I plan to be intentional on not letting my binary approach let my pursuit of stability undermine my need for adventure and stifle my love for growth and learning.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you see the world in 1s and 0s? Do you prefer to live in the grey?

Create the Perfect Apology With These Five Tips

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn Health and Wellness, lifestyle, Mental HealthLeave a comment

‘Tis the season of forgiveness.

We all have said, and done things that we regret. We know we messed up. So how do we start the apology process? Sometimes it seems impossible.

If we break down the process into steps, and gather our emotions, it’s not.

Here are five ways to communicate that you are sorry, and have the other person feel your sincerity. 

Express your regret or remorse. Something happened, and it didn’t turn out well. How do you feel about what happened? Were your actions something regretful? Do you feel utterly empty without the other party’s presence in your life? Be honest and open about how you feel about the result of what happened.

Explain what you think went wrong (without pointed phrases). Pointed phrases are statements that shift responsibility to the other party. They invalidate the other person’s feelings. An example of a pointed phrase is “I’m sorry that you were offended” or “I’m sorry, but you…” They have every right to feel what they feel, as do you. As much as you wouldn’t want them to dismiss your feelings, don’t dismiss theirs. 

Request forgiveness and allow as much time as the other needs to process their emotions. Putting a time limit, or expressing an expected date of when the other person should forgive you, will most likely cause the other person to not want to even begin the forgiveness process. 

Before composing: Give yourself time to be in a space where you feel ready and able to apologize. Being sincere is more important than rushing an apology. Emotions of remorse best translate in a face to face interaction. in times of COVID-19, that may not be an option, but consider a video visit. Likewise, just your voice can convey sincerity over the phone. 

If you want to say sorry but feel like an in person or over the phone apology would cause more issues (ie. Interruptions, raised voices), a hand written one is better than none. No deed is too small if the relationship is worth restoring.

You are ready forgive/apologize, and move forward. How do you know the other party is ready? You won’t necessarily know. But don’t let assuming that the other party is not ready to forgive, hold you back from reaching out with an apology.

Do you feel like you need to apologize to someone? Are you going to use the tips above? Let us know, in the comments, how your apology was accepted (or denied).

Hello World!

On By epil(epsy)ogueIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This is my first post so bear with me!

Nice to see you here! My name is Sāb (like babe but with an S). I have epilepsy with unusual seizure activity. It is uncontrolled and medication resistant.

Why did I tell you this, before anything else about me?

  • Because I thought it defined me.
  • Because I used to keep it a secret, thinking it was something to be ashamed about.

But that is a thing of the past! I now realize that although epilepsy has a big impact on my life, I have no reason to hide or be apologetic. It was a long journey to get here, and my adventure is not over.

I think it is important to recognize that it is an amazing feat, and I would love to share my experiences with you. My lessons learned, my “should’a, would’a, could’a’s” and future endeavors are the types of things I hope to publish.

Maybe you or a loved one have epilepsy, or some other chronic illness. You may find something of value hidden in my pages. I sure hope so.

I must admit, I have hoped to find some comfort out here in the infinite internet. If you have too, and you landed here, maybe there is a reason. I would love to connect.

So who am I really?

  • My educational background is in engineering
  • I have a wonderful and supportive family
  • I love to ice skate
  • My favorite place in the United States is the White Mountains in New Hampshire
  • I am looking into going back to school (for a mid-life career change)

Okay, those are just facts, not really allowing you to know the “real” me. I suppose that if you would like to get to know me, you can read my blog. Shoot, you can even contact me, and we can build a real friendship!

Regardless, I am hoping that you are willing to take this wild ride called life with me.

Stay tuned for the next episode (yes that was a seizure joke).